I like to think of introspection the same way I think of exercise: It’s not an activity that’s going to be easy, pain-less, or quick, per se, but it is one that’s going to make me stronger in the long run.
But what exactly is introspection? How can we ensure we’re doing it right? And is there even a way to do it wrong? Well, yes, there is.
Introspection is the process of examining one’s own thoughts and emotional responses; it’s a reflection on the self, as well as the issues, and experiences, that may or may not be impacting the self. The key here, is to understand that introspection means more than just thinking about yourself. In order to account for the ‘productive’ caveat, there has to be especial attention to detail where procedure is concerned.
Research shows that individuals who possess greater insight — i.e. heightened levels of intuitive understanding of themselves, and the world around them — also experience higher levels of relationship satisfaction, happiness, self-acceptance and overall sense of life purpose(1). All good things, in other words!
On the other hand, studies have found that, in general, people who have a tendency to be more self-reflective and introspective, may actually suffer from a poorer well-being than those who cruise through their reality, their lives largely unexamined (2).
So where’s the disconnect? Well, simply speaking, not all introspection is insightful. If a person were to dedicate their alone time to replaying every cringey conversation they’ve had, or perhaps dwelling on all the ways they fall short of perfection, then it’s no wonder their happiness and well-being would decrease as a direct result.
Introspection is, for the most part, a learning (and forgiving) process, where practice makes all the difference. When done right, introspection can be used as a helpful tool for improving self-awareness and maintaining accuracy of self-perception. Introspection, however, has no place for destructive criticism, negativity for negativity sake, or rumination, so bear these things in mind as you continue reading.
Here are 4 ways you can improve the quality, as well as quantity, of your introspective insights:
- Focus on what instead of why
Humans have a tendency to seek answers — more specifically, answers about ‘why.’
“Why did that happen to me?”
“Why did I react that way when they were just trying to help?”
“Why can’t I seem to get motivated?”
Whatever the question might be, it’s clear that we derive a false sense of comfort from knowing the why of a given situation. But, really, what does knowing ‘why’ do?
When we examine this closer, we see that ‘why’ is just an attempt at gaining closure for a past occurrence, it’s a line of questioning that presumes having context is what holds the key to controlling (or preventing) similar situations. It’s a way of living in the past while convincing ourselves that we’re thinking for the future, and most often it doesn’t lead to the meaningful insight that we’re after.
Instead, and in order to practice productive introspection, it’s imperative that you change the question of ‘why’ to a question of ‘what.’
Focus on the information you have easily at hand. Everyone and their mother has the ability to answer what they’re feeling in response to a situation, and by forcing yourself to name you emotions instead of searching for an immediate explanation for them, allows you to shift your mindset towards finding a solution, and not an excuse.
“What’s going on with me?”
“What thoughts am I experiencing currently?”
“What’s another way to view the situation?”
“What can I do to help myself handle this better next time?”
See the difference? While asking ‘why’ has the propensity to give rise to negative emotions such as uncertainty, defensiveness, and resistance to constructive criticism, asking ‘what’ provides us with the tools to analyze our feelings in a way that makes us more receptive to dealing with the answers, whether good or bad, by mitigating our natural confirmation bias.
2. Learn to differentiate between the ‘you’ that experiences the thought, and the ‘you’ that observes that experience
When we engage in the process of introspection, it is necessary that we go about examining our thoughts and behaviors in a very precise manner.
First and foremost, it is crucial to understand that you are not your thoughts, rather, you are merely the observer of them. That’s all very well, but what exactly do I mean by this?
Well, think of it this way: When you experience a feeling, thought, or emotional reaction, are you contained in that feeling itself, or are you the consciousness that is watching yourself have this experience? For many of us, we may feel that we fall somewhere in between — and this is normal — as even acknowledging this separation (especially in the heat of the moment) is an act that requires a great deal of practice, in and of itself.
For me personally, it helps to imagine my thoughts as the result of my inner child — an aspect of my consciousness not yet developed enough to fully comprehend the greater picture. My inner child is the one that yells angry insults, fears rejection from others, and is responsible for my immediate, unconscious response to my environment. This child requires adult supervision, and certainly should not be in control of what we choose to believe about ourselves. This is where introspection comes in, allowing us to draw reasonable, actionable conclusions by using the part of our brain that understands that throwing temper tantrums is no way to get what we want.
By accepting this truth, we allow ourselves to process our own emotions and reactions in a much healthier way, with such a degree of care and tenderness, that we provide ourselves with no other option than to flourish and grow stronger in our relationship with the self.
3. Practice non-resistance, non-judgement, and non-attachment
In a similar vein, it is absolutely vital that we conduct this conscious observation of our own mind in a way that is conducive to personal insight. In order to find relevant solutions, and arrive at productive realizations, Enlightenment thinker, Eckhart Tolle, has outlined three core tenants of introspective thought.
Non-resistance: Often times, we humans are extremely quick to label a situation as being either a ‘good’ one, or a ‘bad’ one. What we fail to realize, is that when we do this, we are leaning into our preconceived notions of how the world should work, instead of focusing on our ability to control our own thoughts and reactions to it. Dismiss the idea that good and bad choices exist, and realize that any form of resistance to our own reality, will in turn, result in resistance to deeper understanding of ourselves.
Non-judgement: Perhaps the most innate, singularly evolved ability that human beings are gifted with, is the ability to make snap judgements, both consciously and unconsciously, about the people and things around them. Whilst judgement is a highly necessary and natural process, practicing non-judgement allows for the degree of openness necessary for productive instrospection. Don’t judge your thoughts, just observe them — they are belonging to the small child inside of you, after all — and don’t judge others; they are only human, and likewise, suffer from many of the same inner afflictions as you do.
Non-attachment: lastly, to practice non-attachment, is to accept the impermanence of the reality we live in. We have no choice but to move alongside the ticking of time, our consciousness permanently confined to the present moment. This means recognizing, and appreciating, that the state of the moment we exist in, whether a distressing or pleasing one, is one that will change. Thus, it becomes a pointless dedication of effort to try and fixate on the feelings of a singular moment, when the capacity for new feelings to arise is limitless and assured.
4. Schedule an introspective appointment with yourself
In order to avoid the pitfalls of unsuccessful, unfocused introspection, it’s important to be intentional in your practice. This doesn’t mean that meditation is required, or that you must carve out hours of free time to spend, alone, pondering your own thoughts, rather it means only engaging in introspective thought when you are certain your frame of mind is aligned with your higher self.
There is no point trying to be introspective when you do not have control of your mind, or when you sense your inner child has taken over the driver’s seat. This will inevitably lead to rumination, and an overall sense of dissatisfaction and in-conclusion.
When you go the extra mile to ensure your engagement with the process of introspection is set up for success, you are already exhibiting the first act of separating the self from the speculation of your own thoughts. Consider this an accomplishment intrinsically, and do not be surprised if introspective observations occurs unexpectedly, during times when your mind drifts to this practice out of habit. After all, some of the greater realizations of my life have occurred to me in accidental moments of pure oneness with the present moment, be that washing the dishes, or making the bed in the morning — and I’d say that’s about as productive an experience as one can get.
- Grant, A. M., Franklin, J., & Langford, P. (2002). The Self-Reflection and Insight Scale: A new measure of private self-consciousness. Social Behavior and Personality: An international journal, 30(8), 821–836.
- Stein D, Grant AM. Disentangling the relationships among self-reflection, insight, and subjective well-being: the role of dysfunctional attitudes and core self-evaluations. J Psychol. 2014;148(5):505–522. doi:10.1080/00223980.2013.810128
